Ramblings of an extremely pregnant mama

3 days.....in just 3 days my world will be turned upside down, my heart will most likely leap out of my chest, and we will welcome a daughter into our family. A daughter! That feels so weird to say and almost hard to believe is actually happening. Second pregnancies are funny. I hate to admit but the novelty of pregnancy wore off really quickly and I've spent a lot less time thinking about growing the baby inside of me than I did when I was pregnant with Ford. I also hate to admit that I am not feeling guilty about that at all. My life is so full and I know Lucy will fill it even more. I haven't felt bad about not bonding as much with her in my belly as I did with her big brother but that doesn't make my less excited at ALL. As I neared the end of my 1st pregnancy I was filled with fear- fear of the unknown, fear of my role and capabilities and performance as a mother and I can say with 100% honesty that I don't have any fear today about bringing another baby into this world. Now someone asked me last week if I felt better because I know what to expect the 2nd time around and I laughed and said well it's actually scary because I DO know what to expect! Just because I've done it before doesn't make things easier per say, but I am so much more confident in my skills and abilities this time around. I feel so confident in myself because my husband has been my biggest cheerleader for the past 9 months when I get anxious about having 2 under 2 (or 2 in general). He reminds me that God knit me together to be Ford and Lucy's mother and that I am capable. One of the biggest topics in our recent conversation about our babies is how being 2nd time parents, we are assured that everything is a season. As much as you want to believe those seasoned moms when they tell you "this too shall pass", it is HARD to believe it when you are in the trenches of newborn-hood. I remember standing in the shower when Ford was 1 week old just sobbing because I was in so much pain. My body had been through the ringer, the water from the shower head felt like knives stabbing my poor little nipples that were attacked by my piranha baby every 2-3 hours, and my heart just ached because I had never loved something so much so quickly. I thought to myself, okay this is my life. I will be in pain, exhausted, and an emotional nut job for the rest of my days. I am victim to assuming the hard seasons are permanent and I am sure so many can relate. But alas. I look back on those times and have to ask myself, "did that really happen?". Who knows what kind of personality Lucy will have and if she'll be stubborn like her big brother Ford but I am so thankful that this time around, I will TRULY believe the hard times will pass. Babies don't teeth forever or have the dreaded witching hour for the rest of their lives. I really do think this will help me enjoy the newborn stage a lot more rather than wishing for her to grow older (I wasn't the biggest fan of the newborn phase with Ford). Just last night Jon said, "Gosh isn't 1 baby so easy!?" And we laughed because there is no way I would have ever believed I would one day say that during the first few months of Ford's life. Sure it gives me a knot in my stomach knowing that in a few days my 10+ hour night sleeps are gone but thankful that it will be temporary. Thank you 1st children for being your parents guinea pigs and giving us anxiety and stress that only grows us as parents.

This article on Bringing Home Baby 2.0 couldn't have come at a better time. I love how she kicks it off with saying we need to let go of the guilt! This has been a huge topic of mindless internal conversation with myself and I feel so at peace as I embark on this journey as a mom of 2 not feeling guilty whatsoever. I've talked to so many moms of 2+ who also tell me the best thing I can do for my kids is to not feel guilty. I'd be lying if I didn't say that a few months ago I had a sick feeling of thinking about sharing my time and attention with Ford but I am so glad I have overcome that and I am not going to let it eat me up inside. I also will not feel guilty for not being able to solely focus on Lucy when she is born. If you think about it, 1st children are the ONLY ones who get their parents undivided attention. I am a 2nd child (of 4!) and can never recall a time where I felt neglected, unloved, or jealous of the time my older sister got with my parents before I was born. I can almost immediately tear up when I think about my babies together. In just 3 days they will meet and most likely Ford won't care for her for more than 30 seconds but it is the beginning of their lifelong friendship and relationship. We set up the playmat in her room a few weeks ago and Ford was crawling under it with some of his toys and it hit me. Someday soon Lucy will be under there playing and Ford will be right next to her. I know it will probably take time but I think they will be so close. I keep saying I think Ford is the perfect big brother for a little sister because he is safe, gentle, and emotional. I think he will be so sweet with her and one day protective of his baby sister. He is already so interested in his baby doll, feeding her, putting her in the swing and down for naps, and I pray that he shows the same interest when Lucy is actually here. This week he started saying "Lucy" so much better and it makes me cry. The first thing he does when we take him out of his crib in the mornings and after nap is run to her room, "Mama Lucy's room!". And we put her carseat next to his in the car this week and he says, "Baby Lucy!". He has no idea the chaos to come but I don't think any of us have any idea the joy and goodness to come. I've been so focused on me, my pregnancy, surgery, recovery, etc that I haven't really sat and thought about my children's relationship with one another or Jon's relationship with his daughter. I realize this post is just me rambling and if you've made it this far, bless you. I have such a crazy amount of emotions and it feels good to write them all down. If you would have told me I would be this relaxed and peaceful the week before I had a baby, I would have laughed! This week has been filled with naps, intentional prayers, movies, good food, date nights, fun with friends, and lots of family time. I couldn't ask for more! 

I shared my prayers for her birth earlier this week and would love for you to continue to pray. Currently my blood platelets are around 117 (normal is 130-400+) but my doctor is confident that anything over 100, I should be able to be awake for. Please pray that they don't fall and I can experience meeting my daughter for the first time during my C section! Oh and you can follow me on Instagram for family updates!