The "not so good" parts of a C section

I had my 2nd C section in April and I loved it. You can read my post on why I chose a repeat C section (after my first emergency) and also a post where I proclaim my love for C sections. Childbirth is hard, y'all. Natural, epidural, C section, general surgery... it doesn't come without pain (hence why labor is called LABOR!). I remember hitting my due date with my first baby and realizing, oh my gosh, I am going to have a baby any day and it is going to hurt. Yep. It does. BUT!!!! It is such a different kind of pain. Yes it is incredible physical pain but the emotions tied to childbirth are incredible. The physical pain tapers off and you are left with a cuddly little baby who has you wrapped around their finger from their first breath. No pain, no gain, right? I remember before I had a baby I didn't think much about C sections. Women had them all the time so they must be pretty easy. Whoa baby was I wrong. I think it is easy to forget that a C section is major surgery. Most major surgeries a normal person would take off time from work, sleep all day, and focus on recovery. It is quite the opposite with a C section. Your abdomen is cut open and instead of sleeping the day away, you are up around the clock feeding, changing, burping. Not to mention the pains of breastfeeding. I had no idea how intense C sections were and I instantly had a new respect for C section mamas (vaginal birthing mamas don't worry, I have mad respect for you popping something out of that tiny hole. I can't think about it without getting queasy). Anyway. I don't believe that one form of childbirth is easier than another but I wanted to share with you some of the not so great things about a C section. I remember when they were sewing me up in the OR thinking, "Damn I feel good! I will probably walk right out of this OR on my own two legs". And then when I made it to recovery, everything changed.

Me feeling on top of the world during surgery

Lucy's first latch in recovery... right before I yacked!

Itching - something about coming off of the anesthesia makes you incredibly itchy. I don't know if y'all watch Breaking Bad but I felt like a meth addict scratching away at my face. The nurses warned me it would happen and it felt like I had mosquitoes all over my face. I attempted to use wash cloths on my face so I wouldn't scratch but it was hard not to. Luckily it only lasted an hour or so.

Nausea - along with itching, anesthesia can do a number on your tummy. I was in recovery and they just brought Lucy to me fresh from the nursery and I had her latched on. I could only have one visitor at a time back there and my dad was with me and all of the sudden I told him I was about to be sick. I went from feeling awesome to feeling like I had the worst tummy bug ever. I threw up about 3 times within an hour of my surgery and my tummy calmed shortly after.

Not eating - I was starving once I got setup in my postpartum room and I was excited to check out the hospital menu and order some lunch (I remember how much I loved the chicken tenders and mashed potatoes from my stay for Ford's birth). Well... little did I know I would have to pass gas before I was able to eat solid food and that would take a day and a half. I was stuck eating clear liquids and praying for a toot. I do not do good not eating and my visitors showed up with so many treats, it was rough!

Gas pains - Oh my goodness gas pains. The morning after I had Lucy my back started hurting really bad and I thought maybe I had slept weird. It progressively got worse, up to the point of me crying and begging for relief. Turns out that when you have surgery, air gets trapped inside your body cavity and travels to your upper back as gas. I tried gas tablets and heating pads but nothing really helped. This was one of the most painful parts of my C section with Lucy (I didn't have it with Ford, maybe because I had general surgery?).

You still bleed... a lot - you really don't catch a break on anything when having a C section. You'd think because the doctor has the ability (and they do) "clean you out" during surgery, that you'd bleed less. OH NO. I bled on and off (mostly on) for about 10 weeks with Ford and 8 weeks with Lucy. I'm gonna be real with y'all, it ain't pretty. I would rather have a regular period once a month than the postpartum flood they call lochia.

Tummy pain - I didn't realize how much one uses their abs until I had a C section. Getting out of the bed those first few days in the hospital takes a good 5 minutes because you literally have no ab muscle and have to use your arms. This part sucks. Your stomach will feel like it was stabbed a million times and it is so tender to the touch, I get goosebumps thinking about it now. Walking hurts for a while and you can't lay flat on your back. In the hospital the nurses come and press down on your uterus every 3 hours to help it contract and that is NOT pleasant when you've just had your stomach cut open. Thank God for pain meds. This was the hardest part of Ford's birth for me because I felt like I would never feel better. 2nd time around it was easier because I knew one day I'd feel back to myself. 3 weeks was a big change and then every week after that brings so much healing. I am writing this 9 weeks postpartum and I am working out (with the exception of doing any jumping, fast motions, or ab moves), power walking up hill with a double stroller, and feeling great. By 12 weeks with Ford I was 100% myself, although my abs stayed separated which doesn't just happen to C section moms.

Sex still hurts - Again, we don't get a break having C sections and I was sad when I learned that sex hurt for quite a while postpartum. I guess it has nothing to do with popping a baby out of your vagina but more about the hormones and then breastfeeding (dries you out). It's better the second time around but not completely without pain.

I hope this post doesn't scare you but I am guessing if you are a first time mom to be, you assume you're having a vaginal birth (I sure did) and if you're a second time mom having another C section, this ain't your first rodeo. I can't stress enough how much I loved my C section (the second time around that is) and I plan on electing a C section for future children. I am sure the same can be said for vaginal births, I know I've heard friends go on and on about the woes of that. Like I said, childbirth is hard work and I have mad respect for mamas with all kinds of birth stories!

I loved my scheduled C section

Lucy is 7 weeks old and her birth is just a faint memory for me. It's hard to believe I had major surgery less than 2 months ago, my incision is my only reminder of it these days and I am so thankful for that. After a pretty traumatic birth for Ford (you can read it here), I was really looking forward to a scheduled C section. With the need for a post umbilical hernia repair from my first pregnancy and a few other things, I didn't ever consider a VBAC. I actually wrote about my decision to have a scheduled C section here. Although Lucy's birth wasn't without a few little bumps, I wouldn't change a thing. I absolutely loved my scheduled C section. In fact, I think Jon and I say this at least once a week, "Why wouldn't all women choose a scheduled C?". Now I know my love for a CS is circumstantial. Prior to having Ford we skipped all the chapters in the baby books about CS because there was no way I was having one. Wrong-oh. I've always thought of birth as such a divine thing. God used the births of both of my babies as a way to teach me, grow me, and a platform to share my story. As much as we want to write down and choose every detail of our births, we have no control. I went into birth assuming I'd do it vaginally but without a birth plan. When has anyone's birth ever gone to plan? I am so grateful to be a mama of two beautiful and healthy babies and how they got here shouldn't mater. If I would have given birth vaginally the first time, I wouldn't be so pro-C section, obviously. So this post isn't to bash mamas who birth vaginally (you guys are amazing, seriously I don't know how you do it), but to encourage C section mamas.

I have lots of mama friends having their second babies in the next few months and I get so many questions about the scheduled C section vs. laboring and an emergency C section so I wanted to share my thoughts. Here are a few reasons why I loved my scheduled C section:

• Planning. I am a huge planner and the thought of not knowing when I'd go into labor and having to possibly leave my toddler in the middle of the night stresses me out. Again, I never considered a VBAC so I didn't lay awake worrying. Chances of me going into labor before my 39 week CS were slim considering I never went into labor for 41 weeks with Ford. Knowing the day and time Lucy would be born, we were able to arrange care for Ford, have everything prepared, get rest, freeze meals, and spend that last few days as a family of 3 relaxing. The week before Lucy was born was so sweet. I didn't sleep much the night before because I was so excited but I was a lot more rested than my first birth. I also knew my doctor would for sure be at my birth, no random on call doctor. Crazy that my sweet doctor wasn't my doctor with Ford's pregnancy. She was on call during my induction, delivered Ford, and I fell in love with her so I switched! She was incredibly instrumental in my pregnancy and I am sad not to be seeing her often at appointments (but happy I am not pregnant!).
• No labor. This is a given. Check in was 5am for my 7:30am surgery and I arrived chipper and free of pain. I remember feeling empathy for ladies I saw walking the halls of L&D hunched over in the pains of labor. Sure the recovery of a C section is painful but nothing can be compared to labor pains (and I had a Pitocin induced labor without an epidural thanks to Thrombocytopenia). God wasn't joking when He said He would increase the pains of labor. No thank you. 
• Time. The most time consuming thing of a C section is the prep- blood work, paper work, waiting on doctors, etc. I gave birth on a Monday morning and the hospital had a full load of inductions and surgeries. That evening I looked at Jon and said, "think about all the ladies who showed up the same time we did but to be induced and still don't have their babies". I was grateful that I had the first surgery of the morning and the rest of the day to rest and recover. 
• No damage "down there". I think this is pretty self explanatory. I have friends who are still dealing with issues from tearing while giving birth (sex, peeing themselves, pain). 
• Recovery was easier. Recovery from a scheduled C section was 10x easier than my first birth. I was up walking around 12 hours after surgery and that really helped speed up my recovery. My body wasn't exhausted and fatigued from laboring and the spinal when being awake was a lot more gentle on my body than the general anestesia I received when I had Ford and was fully under. To be honest, the most painful thing about my recovery was my hernia repair. 
• Jon and I were together. This was the biggest blessing of Lucy's birth. Jon got to watch his daughter literally come out of me and I was awake to hear her first cry. I did not feel like I needed a redemption birth after Ford's but I desperately wanted to experience a "normal" C section. It was such a surreal and incredible thing. The nurses and doctors were in such good moods and the mood was light and happy. 
• My past experience. I keep telling people what a blessing second time motherhood is because you have the experience. It isn't easier per se, but you know those hard times aren't forever. My 2nd C section was painful but I knew time would bring healing. After my first C section I wasn't sure if I'd ever feel normal again (same with the pains of breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, etc). I knew that I couldn't baby my body as much as I did before and that walking the halls of the hospital would help in my recovery. I knew I couldn't push it by jumping back into life post baby and spent 3 weeks at home letting my body heal. 

Never did I think I'd be a repeat C section mama, writing a post about how much I love them but I have totally embraced the story God is writing for us. I love that no 2 birth stories are the same and what an incredible thing our bodies do when giving birth. I want to be an advocate for mothers... not C section moms, not cloth diapering moms, not breastfeeding moms, but moms. No matter how your baby got here and no matter how you choose to feed, diaper, clothe them, you've been given a gift and living out the miracle that is parenthood!

Why I am having a repeat C section.

If you've read my birth story with Ford, then that should be enough of an explanation as to why I am choosing to have a repeat C section, but I wanted to share more in detail. I hate that in today's times, I feel like I need to defend my choice because it really effects no one but me and my family but I want to share my story and hopefully encourage other mamas who feel defeated or judged for their birth plans. If you haven't read Ford's birth story, you can read it here.

In short, I never went into labor and was induced at 41 weeks with Ford. I am a very small woman who was measuring very large and my doctor didn't want me going much past 41 weeks with the chance of losing amniotic fluids and the baby getting too big for a vaginal delivery. Oh and it is illegal in Texas to go past 42 weeks under medical care. So induction day... I was barely dilated and experienced no signs of labor so Pitocin was given and my waters were broken. They don't call it labor for nothing, holy crap contractions are intense, especially unmedicated on Pitocin. I found out I had Thrombocytopenia (low blood platelet count, happens to 1% of women) which meant I couldn't get an epidural. That sucked. I labored for 8 hours on the highest dose of Pitocin, sans medication, and did not dilate ONE CENTIMETER. You heard that right. It was in that moment we decided a C section was the safest route for me and baby, and frankly I didn't care how he got here, I wanted to be out of pain. I had general surgery fully under, Jon wasn't allowed in the room, and I met Ford a few hours later. I get very sad when I hear about women feeling disappointed with having to have a C section because I feel like I had pretty much everything go wrong and my birth was the complete opposite than I could have ever imagined and I think I was sad for about 5 minutes. My son was alive and healthy, I was alive and healthy. Enough to make my heart swell with gratitude and love.

Jon meeting Ford for the first time, he was just a few minutes old 

Me meeting Ford a few hours later (even though I am awake, I don't remember any of this)

Recovery was rough and if I am being honest, there were times when I thought I could never do this again because it was that painful. But I healed. I am definitely guilty of assuming life will always be a certain way, especially when I am in a particularly tough season. Painful C section recovery, 4 month sleep regression, sick babies....you feel like the movie Groundhog Day will never end. But it does!

I realize I am getting way off topic here. Back to a repeat C section. Even after experiencing a 1 in 100 occurring birth story and one hell of a recovery, it was etched in stone that I did not want to experience labor ever again. Before I even became pregnant with baby #2, I knew I would be a repeat C section mama. Labor was traumatic and painful and I experienced enough in those 8 hours of trying to satisfy me for the rest of my life. Do I feel like I missed out on something because I didn't push a baby out my lady bits? Absolutely not. I feel victorious and powerful because I gave birth! Period! I don't feel like less of a woman or less of a mother but I feel grateful that I live in a time period in which I survived my son's birth. It's sad that birth has become a competitive sport. Why does it matter if someone got an epidural or chose a repeat C section or had the antibiotic goop put on their newly born baby's eyes. I can say without a doubt that my choice to have a repeat C section (and use the eye goop and vaccinate right after birth and circumcise at 2 days old) will not effect anyone but me and my baby.

At my very first prenatal appointment with baby #2, my doctor asked what my plan was. I am so thankful to go to a doctor who never tried to sway me one way or another but is 100% on board with my decision. I did not want to be talked into a VBAC nor if I wanted a VBAC did I want to be talked into a C section. I told her I was 100% positive I wanted another C section (as is Jon) but wanted to know why VBACs are so risky. Some doctors don't perform them and they cost more insurance-wise but I had no idea why. She informed me that when you have a contraction, there is a chance that the incision on your uterus from your C section would burst causing you to bleed and need an emergency hysterectomy (meaning no more children). In all her years of practice she has only had that happen to 1 of her patients and said the chances are 1%. Sure those are very low stats but having low blood platelets during labor only happens to 1% of people and it happened to me. I have stopped thinking of myself as "Oh it would never happen to me" because it did. I don't want to take the risk. Also, you cannot be induced for a VBAC and my track record of never even dilating or having a contraction for 41 weeks with Ford isn't great. If you've had a successful VBAC then I am so happy for you! Just as happy as I am for mamas who have 5 sections or 5 vaginal deliveries. The only birth that effects me is my own. Oh and I should mention that I only have a 1% chance of having Thrombo again and will get my blood tested a few days before my surgery so if the platelet count is low, I can have steroids to strengthen them so I can have a "normal C section". It kind of feels like the first time since Jon wasn't with me and I was out cold. We are so excited! Oh and I have mentioned this before but I have a hernia on my belly that developed after I gave birth to Ford and I need to get it surgically repaired. So even if I decided on a VBAC, I would need hernia surgery after Lucy is born which is often VERY painful and a tough recovery. Might as well piggy back it on with my C section and take advantage of dual recovery.

Choosing to have a scheduled C section has helped remove a lot of fears I have about giving birth again and I am grateful for that peace. I won't be lying awake at night wondering if tonight will be the night or worrying about what to do with Ford if I went into labor at 3am. I am not worried about those intense contractions and consumed my entire body and just the thought takes me back to a very haunted place in my mind. I know the recovery is going to be hard. It is going to plain suck, especially because I won't be able to pickup my toddler, but I am not scared. What is so incredibly freeing for me is knowing that The Lord knows the tiny details of this baby's birth day and has had it written on the palm of His hand since before creation. I can sit here all day weighing the pros and cons of choosing a C section or worrying that I will go into labor before my scheduled surgery but that is precious time wasted. He knows and whether it is a repeat C section, emergency C section, epidural labor, or home birth....it is perfect.

One more thing I want to add is just how beautiful God's providence has been throughout my pregnancy, labor, and delivery experiences. Pregnancy is not exactly easy on me (being sick for 8 months kind of takes a toll on you) and I have a less than ideal birth story which has further solidified our prayers for adoption in the future. C sections are rough on your body and for safety reasons, doctors don't recommend you have many more than 3-4 of them which stinks for someone who wants a larger family. God continues to show us, through hard pregnancies and rough deliveries, that adoption is in our future and we are able to find joy in the pain because of that reason!

Every family is different- large, small, blended, mixed race, stay at home mom, stay at home dad- but we don't have to be defined (and ridiculed) by the birth plans we choose. My scare reminds me of the months I spent growing my sweet babies, the strength it took to give birth to them, and the absolute gift that children are in our lives.

5 reasons not to be afraid of C sections

This is a post I wrote for MOMquery last month and wanted to share here on my personal blog. A c section is usually no one's Plan A, it sure as heck wasn't mine, but I embrace my birth story and don't want mamas to be to be afraid of them! P.S. Are you following MOMquery on Facebook?

1. They are safe

Modern medicine continues to blow me away. Embryos and sperm and united in petri dishes and carried by surrogates. We have the ability to see babies in 4D and fight over whose nose he has. And hearts are transplanted from one body to another. Incredible. Medicine has come such a long way and I am so confident in the knowledge and practices of today's doctors, especially the one I carefully researched and chose. These doctors know what they are doing, this is their job. Just like as a full time mommy I feel like I could change a diaper or make a cheese quesadilla in my sleep, doctors perform C sections every day and continue to advance their skills and abilities. Anesthesia won't damage your baby's brain, come on, Ford turned out fine. An epidural won't kill ya, millions of women get them every year. Thank you God for modern medicine!

2. They are quick

Labor is called labor for a reason, it is work! My first delivery started with a long, painful induction and ended in a full surgery cesarean. It definitely wasn't your traditional birth story. So yes there are times when a C section comes after a grueling 24 hour labor but the actual surgery is quick. My baby was out within 2 minutes of being wheeled into the OR. It seems like a dream knowing that this next baby I am carrying will be born without labor, without a contraction, without the anxiety of thinking of pushing something out of my lady bits. I will show up and an hour later meet my baby. Is this real life?

3. You will feel normal again

Just because a C section is quick, does not mean it comes without pain. Now I've never experienced a vaginal delivery but the recovery from a C section is rough. It's the one time in your life where you experience MAJOR surgery and are immediately required to be up around the clock feeding, changing, getting acquainted with this strange little human that just came out of you. There is not a grace period with C sections, you have to jump right back into motherhood. I remember telling people that I could totally deal with the sleep deprivation, it was the C section recovery that had me in tears every night. It took me 5 minutes just to get out of bed in the mornings and I hobbled hunchback around my house. But then the 3 week mark hit and I felt like a human again. Each day after that I regained strength and muscle memory and my spirits sky rocketed knowing I wouldn't forever feel like my insides had been ripped apart. It gives me the chills to think back to those first few days post surgery but I am reminded how incredible the human body is at repairing and recovering. Besides my incision scar, I can honestly say it feels like it never happened.

4. No damage to your lady parts

Do I have to go into detail? Ha! I mean, a C section is no one's plan A but I spent a lot of time finding green pastures in the middle of a traumatic and painful part of my life. I don't suddenly pee my pants when I jump up and down or feel where stitches used to be while being intimate with my husband. Sure I get numb around my incision occasionally (what a weird sensation) but I am proud to say that my lady parts experienced no trauma, tearing, or damage while delivering. That's good for something, right?!

5. You were made for this

One of the most discouraging things I heard post emergency C section was women apologizing to me that I had to have one and that I didn't get to experience "real" birth. First my uterus was cut open and a baby ripped out, now my heart was ripped out. Ouch. I feel so blessed to live in a time where I lived through the birth of my son. 50, 100 years ago, I don't think that would have been the case. The female body was made to grow and birth a baby and that is exactly what I did. I don't feel like I missed out on anything because I didn't pop a baby out through my vagina and I sure as heck don't feel like less of a woman for it. I actually feel like a gladiator. I did it! I never even thought my barely 5 foot framed body could carry a baby full term, let alone overdue. No matter how the baby comes out, we did it! What a feat!