As a Christian woman, one of my biggest downfalls is sharing. Get me in a group of other believers and I will talk your ear off and sing at the top of my lungs but in a group of people who don't believe, or worse, people that I have no idea what they believe, and I tense up.
He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." -Mark 16:15
So the gospel commands us to preach it, and make disciples of all nations but why does it feel like the hardest thing to do? I lead a small group of women, Jon and I continuously have awesome dialogue, and I can write about my faith experiences here in my blog but at a place like work? Forget about it. I work in software with a bunch of men so it's not surprising that the mushy subject of faith or religion doesn't come up often. I feel like I try but get so nervous when I am shut down. For example, last week two guys were talking about Romney and Mormonism and their thoughts on it and I chimed in with someone about being a Christ follower and was sad that neither of them asked me further about it. If someone mentions a landmark in Austin that is right by my church, I mention that we go to church over there, with the hopes of someone asking. Now I don't want you to think for a second I want people to focus on ME and what I believe and MY faith...I just want to share God's word! I want to be able to chat with coworkers about scripture, talk about the bible with friends over drinks, pray with my extended family. It's for God's glory, not my own.
Here I am professing that Jesus Christ is the center of my world but He's not. We strive to put Him at the center of our marriage and in certain relationships but I put up a wall with others. I think I am just plain scared of being rejected or scared to be judged. God how can I glorify you without coming off as overbearing or like one of those crazy bible beaters? Especially to non believers.
I doubt I am in this along, right? Do you struggle with this too?
My current prayers include asking God to give me the confidence to be His daughter in every area of my life. I don't need to stand in the breakroom on a barstool reading out of the book of John at lunch, but I need to be serving Him everywhere and all the time. I need to stop being nervous to pray with Jon at dinner with friends. Stop being nervous to ask my family members what they believe and why. And stop getting so anxious about pleasing others and focus on pleasing the Lord.
I am alive to make Him known.