It got better.
Jon got off of work and I went into the other room and silent cried. No Ford didn't hit me or color with permanent markers on my wall... I was just emotionally bone dry. I needed to let some tears out to....well just to let them out. About an hour after Ford was down for the night I took a hot shower and had a little epiphany. I got out and went right up to Jon and said, "you know what I just realized. Sure the whining and crabby-ness is annoying but I am Ford's mom and he wants me. I am his person, his comfort, and his safe place". I've said it before that I don't do well with clingy babies, it's just not me. I LOVE cuddling with my baby and holding him and playing with him but I don't swoop in and pick him up every time he calls me (which if you have a toddler, you know it is every 10 seconds "mama!" "mommy!" "maaaamaaaa!"). There are times when he doesn't need me but just wants my attention, and there are times where he needs me. And there will be a time where he doesn't need me and even worse, doesn't want my attention. It's the long, trying, days that drain every ounce of you but also foster incredible growth as a parent. I think it's so crazy how such a little human being can bring me to tears because I just love him so much, but at the same time can bring me to tears out of frustration.
So yes, a downfall of parenthood is that no two days are the same but it is also such a sweet high of the gig, especially at the stage we are in now. Tuesday morning brought a butt load of new mercies and I can honestly say this has been one of the most fun and special weeks Ford and I have had thus far. His new thing is kissing. He's been blowing kisses and giving kisses for a while but now he is obsessed. Last night during our family Advent time, Jon was reading and he kept going back and forth between us, giving us some awesome, open mouth kisses. We sing a special night night song before bed and during the 20 seconds of it, I get about 8 kisses from him. Thank God for little things like this that make the crying, whiny, crabby Mondays worth every second. And thank God everyday is a new day in parenthood.
Shirt c/o Art Feeds