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Friday, December 5, 2014

No 2 days are the same

The thrilling and sometimes trying thing about parenthood is that no 2 days are the same. There are days where I am killin' it in the mom department (my baby is enjoyable, I've gone to the gym and playdate, I can get chores done because naptime is legit) and then there are days that just kinda suck. And those days always seem to fall on Mondays. I feel so blessed that most days are good days around here but that one bad day can really throw you into a myriad of questioning your parenting skills, your domestic and wifely duties, and even just personal esteem. That day for me was this past Monday. The day started out wonderful... Ford slept til 8... EIGHT people!...I took a morning Zumba class with a girlfriend (which I hadn't done since Ford was tiny in my belly) and we ran some errands. Post 1 hour afternoon nap, that is supposed to be at least 2 hours, is when all hell broke loose. Now that I am 5 days removed from the afternoon, I think I blocked out most of the crying, whining, screaming, holding, shushing, but it is worth mentioning because of this...

It got better.

Jon got off of work and I went into the other room and silent cried. No Ford didn't hit me or color with permanent markers on my wall... I was just emotionally bone dry. I needed to let some tears out to....well just to let them out. About an hour after Ford was down for the night I took a hot shower and had a little epiphany. I got out and went right up to Jon and said, "you know what I just realized. Sure the whining and crabby-ness is annoying but I am Ford's mom and he wants me. I am his person, his comfort, and his safe place". I've said it before that I don't do well with clingy babies, it's just not me. I LOVE cuddling with my baby and holding him and playing with him but I don't swoop in and pick him up every time he calls me (which if you have a toddler, you know it is every 10 seconds "mama!" "mommy!" "maaaamaaaa!"). There are times when he doesn't need me but just wants my attention, and there are times where he needs me. And there will be a time where he doesn't need me and even worse, doesn't want my attention. It's the long, trying, days that drain every ounce of you but also foster incredible growth as a parent. I think it's so crazy how such a little human being can bring me to tears because I just love him so much, but at the same time can bring me to tears out of frustration.

So yes, a downfall of parenthood is that no two days are the same but it is also such a sweet high of the gig, especially at the stage we are in now. Tuesday morning brought a butt load of new mercies and I can honestly say this has been one of the most fun and special weeks Ford and I have had thus far. His new thing is kissing. He's been blowing kisses and giving kisses for a while but now he is obsessed. Last night during our family Advent time, Jon was reading and he kept going back and forth between us, giving us some awesome, open mouth kisses. We sing a special night night song before bed and during the 20 seconds of it, I get about 8 kisses from him. Thank God for little things like this that make the crying, whiny, crabby Mondays worth every second. And thank God everyday is a new day in parenthood.

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Allena said...

I need to remember that daily. Trent can be SO trying. I am trying to be more like Michelle Duggar - there is a lot about their family that I think is crazy, but I love that they practice patience and soft voices. I am a yeller - even when I'm not mad, I'm loud. I just try to remember a lot that I am their example, their rock, their safe spot - ALL that at one time! This was a great reminder - thanks for writing.

Anonymous said...

You nailed it!

It is hard when the babies are babies, the crying, whining, screaming, temper tantrums, no sleeping...and they cry some too.

When the children are older (mine are 14 and 12), the bad days still come.

So chin up, Momma, you and Jesus can do this.

Courtney said...

I am always amazed when I read things you share about Ford because they always sound SO similar to Lucas! I totally hear you on the clingy baby thing, as I don't do well with it either. Sometimes you need that reminder though, that it's (most of the time) because they need/want you. :)

Lucas is also into the open mouth kisses and he'll go back and forth between Jay and I, which we both get a kick out of. I love it!

Carolyn said...

This is SO TRUE! It's hard sometimes when they're whiney and want to be held, and I'm the same way as you - no clingy babies! - but you're right. We're they're "people" and they need us. And someday they won't need us every second, and then my heart will break. HAHAHAHAHA :) Weston loves kisses too - he'll give like 5 in a row!

Megan C said...

Great post and so true! Some days and great then others I just need five minutes by myself to breath and tell myself that I still am a great mother.

LolaFL said...

So nice to hear I'm not the only one who breaks down after a hard day. Being a stay at home mom is definitely the hardest job I've ever had, and I left being a Cop before! Those days of dealing with the lowest of the low seem easier at times then dealing with a 1 year old! Thanks for posting.. Refreshing to hear that we all go through the same and a nice reminder that the good days definitely outweigh the bad!

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