This article on Bringing Home Baby 2.0 couldn't have come at a better time. I love how she kicks it off with saying we need to let go of the guilt! This has been a huge topic of mindless internal conversation with myself and I feel so at peace as I embark on this journey as a mom of 2 not feeling guilty whatsoever. I've talked to so many moms of 2+ who also tell me the best thing I can do for my kids is to not feel guilty. I'd be lying if I didn't say that a few months ago I had a sick feeling of thinking about sharing my time and attention with Ford but I am so glad I have overcome that and I am not going to let it eat me up inside. I also will not feel guilty for not being able to solely focus on Lucy when she is born. If you think about it, 1st children are the ONLY ones who get their parents undivided attention. I am a 2nd child (of 4!) and can never recall a time where I felt neglected, unloved, or jealous of the time my older sister got with my parents before I was born. I can almost immediately tear up when I think about my babies together. In just 3 days they will meet and most likely Ford won't care for her for more than 30 seconds but it is the beginning of their lifelong friendship and relationship. We set up the playmat in her room a few weeks ago and Ford was crawling under it with some of his toys and it hit me. Someday soon Lucy will be under there playing and Ford will be right next to her. I know it will probably take time but I think they will be so close. I keep saying I think Ford is the perfect big brother for a little sister because he is safe, gentle, and emotional. I think he will be so sweet with her and one day protective of his baby sister. He is already so interested in his baby doll, feeding her, putting her in the swing and down for naps, and I pray that he shows the same interest when Lucy is actually here. This week he started saying "Lucy" so much better and it makes me cry. The first thing he does when we take him out of his crib in the mornings and after nap is run to her room, "Mama Lucy's room!". And we put her carseat next to his in the car this week and he says, "Baby Lucy!". He has no idea the chaos to come but I don't think any of us have any idea the joy and goodness to come. I've been so focused on me, my pregnancy, surgery, recovery, etc that I haven't really sat and thought about my children's relationship with one another or Jon's relationship with his daughter. I realize this post is just me rambling and if you've made it this far, bless you. I have such a crazy amount of emotions and it feels good to write them all down. If you would have told me I would be this relaxed and peaceful the week before I had a baby, I would have laughed! This week has been filled with naps, intentional prayers, movies, good food, date nights, fun with friends, and lots of family time. I couldn't ask for more!
I shared my prayers for her birth earlier this week and would love for you to continue to pray. Currently my blood platelets are around 117 (normal is 130-400+) but my doctor is confident that anything over 100, I should be able to be awake for. Please pray that they don't fall and I can experience meeting my daughter for the first time during my C section! Oh and you can follow me on Instagram for family updates!