Friday, December 7, 2012


I have had this post in mind for a while and it kept evolving into more ideas and I am finally making myself sit down and write it.

So before I got married, I heard people say that marriage was work and I quietly thought to myself "WHAT!? Mine won't. My relationship with Jon comes easy". Wrong! We have been married almost 2 years and I can tell you with an honest, humble heart that we have a great marriage but it has taken work. I love Jon more than I did on our wedding day and the love continues to grow as we continue to work and grow as a couple. Our relationship still comes easy but marriage brings a million other elements of life. Money, faith, your home, your free time. Marriage is a compromise and unfortunately I know many marriages who do not view it that way. How many people do you know that admit "so and so wears the pants" or "yep my wife is the boss". Okay I admit that I am the COO of the house, I know what we are doing next Friday and in 3 Fridays but that doesn't mean I am the boss. The work I am talking about is more like teamwork. 

Using the word "work" may give the situation bad connotation but it's not the work you dread on a Monday morning when your alarm goes off at 6:30am. It is the work that only improves your love, communication, trust, etc. Now you better believe this work was more like tough love for me at the beginning of our marriage. Being a grown woman on your own then getting married and making joint decisions is kind of a whirlwind, especially for someone like me who is independent in my decisions and forthcoming with the way I make things work in my life. It hit me hard when I realized life wasn't all about me anymore. My husband and my marriage trump everything else in my life and my decision making needed to reflect that. Again, I will stress that Jon and I don't ask each other for permission to do things but we actually enjoy making decisions together. I've learned to compromise, which again, was hard but there is so much beauty in it. I choose to do something Jon wants to do and I get to see his face light up with happiness and joy.

So unmarried friends, marriage is work. Teamwork. Fun-for-the-most-part work. 

I actually thought of this post when we were playing tennis a few weeks ago. We've taken up the sport recreationally and are really enjoying it. And once again, teamwork comes into play. Jon has learned he can't spike and spin the crap out of the ball because I can never get them and it's not fun for me. I am a better server than him, he is better at volleying. A hard thing for me at times is to take advice/direction from someone and I had to get over that in this case. I was hurting my wrist hitting backhand and Jon gave me pointers. Even though it is a competitive game, it's team work.

Other examples of where Jon and I are constantly working/teamworking on our marriage: faith, dedication to discipleship/scripture reading, money management/finances, housework/chores, choosing what to watch on TV, disciplining Ernie, family relationships, friendships, and most importantly, our love for one another and how we choose to show it. Yes there are times I get cranky and don't want to compromise and I love my husband for not letting that slide (I am the stubborn one of the pair if you didn't guess). Our marriage isn't perfect but the imperfections are what allow us to grow and thrive. And we will continue to work for the rest of our lives. 

Marriage is work, but it is fun work that pays off. Being married is the second best thing I've ever done in my life, first is choosing to follow Christ (which I am lucky to share that with my husband too)






Carly said...

Loveeeeeee this post!


Katie said...

Completely agree Ruthie! Marriage has had us work together in so many ways that has benefited us! I love it :)

Pamela said...

SO true!! Love this!

Hanna said...

Beautifully written post!! You and your hubby are so stinkin cute:)

Margaret F said...

I love this post and I really admire your commitment and understanding that things aren't always "rainbows and unicorns". I find that so many people nowadays just give up when it gets tough, and that's really not what the point is. From an almost newlywed, thanks for the helpful point of view! Xo

Rachel said...

Love this post! I can relate to the beginning part of this kind of work being tough love for me too. But it's sooo much better in the long run & looking back :)

Tank Goodness Photography said...

Just HAVE to say it:

Wait until you have children, that is when the not-so-fun-for-the-most-part work happens, hahaha :)

I find when couples have zero time to be selfish and absolutely nothing revolves around them anymore is when most people hit speed bumps. But as you said, marriage takes work and both parties have to WANT to make it work. The last two years have had hills in valleys in our marriage after Amelia was born but we have a much better understanding of life and each other and now truly have dedication to one another.

I can't wait for you and John to have babies, you will be such good parents!!!

Kel kel said...

Our Sunday school teacher, who married us, once described marriage as two pieces of sand-paper rubbing together and eventually everything smooths out.

We're coming up on seven years. It is fun, but we have to know that we are not each other's : )


Blake @ Steady 360 said...

I love this post! I'm not married (or even in a relationship), but I can definitely see how marriages take work.

You also have such a nice writing style!


Amanda said...

I loved this post. But I think whether you're married, or dating, or just have a best friend far away, any relationship requires work, effort and compromise. I think it's great that you were so honest in this post :)

Chelsea said...

Y'all are awesome- love the tennis photos.

And I love your honesty about what healthy marriage looks like. :)

ashleigh said...

wo hooo
and i agree; a healthy marriage isnt one where "someone is the boss" thats now how that works.
you two are a great inspiration =]

Girls Love Fried Pickles said...

The key to this is letting yourselves be who you are yet loving each other regardless. Love you. Your my inspiration.

Amber @ My Life in High Heels said...

This is my first time seeing your blog...totally in love and loving the wisdom! A new follower for sure!

Michelle said...

You are so right. My husband and I are going on 18 years of marriage. It was never easy and times where it wasn't fun. However, it has been adventurous. We've learned to set priorities and how to take care of each other. Ignoring the comments of "who wears the pants" mentality because what's more important is showing your love and support for for each other-even through the tough times. All the while celebrating the good times.

blm said...

I loved this post, thanks so much for sharing!

Daniel Anthony said...

The post is giving information about teamwork. Read to know more
Conference events

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