**I just upgraded the bandwidth on my Photobucket account so some photos/buttons won't show up for a little bit...sorry for the ghetto-ness!
If you've read any of my pregnancy updates then you'd know this pregnancy has been really hard on me. I've had chronic morning sickness for 10 weeks and at almost 18 weeks, I am still on medication and it hasn't subsided. Despite the sickness, you may be surprised to learn that I have loved every second of this pregnancy. From the day Jon and I decided to start "trying" (and even before that), we knew that pregnancy was an absolute gift from God, a privilege, not a right. How can this pregnancy show my love for Jesus and how can I share the good news through this little being? I have women in my life who have struggled for 5 or 10 years to get pregnant and women who have suffered 1,2, and 3 miscarriages so this baby inside my tummy is so incredibly precious to me.
Our prayers have been, and continue to be, that we can glorify no one but our Lord through this pregnancy. That through the stories and experiences I share, you'd see His name famous, and not my own. I remember the weekend before I finally threw in the towel and went on medication for my sickness, I was laying on the bathroom floor, throwing up every half hour, also battling a sinus infection, and Jon was out of town. I remember repeating Romans 8:28 over and over again, in my head and outloud. Lord You make all things work together for good for those who believe in You. I found myself surrendering to the notion that I was getting sick for a better purpose. For something good to come. Isaiah 40:31 also gave me strength, those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. I begged not for physical strength but the strength to deal with my situation and overcome the demons telling me this was too hard.
And today, I just have to smile as I simultaneously get sick and sop up a bloody nose (another glamorous pregnancy symptom). I'm not smiling to mock the situation but smiling because I know my son is thriving, moving, and growing inside of me. And smiling about it helps me cope with the physical pain. That the Lord is using this sickness to reassure me of my son's existence inside of my body and Jesus' existence inside of my soul. People can make up wives tales and excuses for why women get sick during pregnancy but I am learning to be grateful for this sickness because I know it is something other women so deeply yearn for. Other women's lives fall apart, marriages break, and souls are bruised because they cannot experience this sickness with me.
We don't have a name picked out for our son but had a name ready to go for a girl. I am not going to share the first name because I hope we get to use it in the future but her middle name would have been Joy. There are so many special meanings behind the name 2 being DiJoy is a family name of Jon's and the fact that we told our family on Christmas Eve, such a joyful season. Joy means happiness and day after day throughout this pregnancy, I have chosen joy. I could easily complain, pout, tell you I never want to have another baby because it is too much, but I choose to be joyful and sing the praises of our mighty God who knit this baby in my womb and thought about him before time even began. The days may not always be filled with delight and pleasure but I can still take comfort in knowing the gift I have been given and the least I can do is spread joy.
I do have to say that I now look at pregnancy in a different light. It is much harder and more intense than I ever thought but it is also so much greater than I could have ever imagined in my head. It saddens me to see complaint after complaint from other women about pregnancy symptoms because in my mind, someone always has it worse than you. There are women who would die for those symptoms and there are women I know who are 10 times sicker than me. Today, I am embracing being sick. So for you pregnant women out there, or women who have been pregnant/hoping to be pregnant, let's change the way we look at the morning sickness, heart burn, and frequent potty breaks. Let's give thanks to the Lord who made this miracle possible. Let His name be known, for these children born unto us are a direct outpouring of His love and faithfulness.