Thursday, March 26, 2015

Supermom

Supermom. We all have those women in our lives who just have it all. They show up to 8am meetings or breakfasts in full makeup looking like they've gotten a full 10 hours of rest and their kids are perfectly behaved. Their cars are free of cracker crumbs and melted crayons and their houses are immaculate and for lack of a better word, not sticky. They talk about their ravishing sex life and how their family eats only organic, homemade meals every evening.

I don't know about you but I think I am a pretty good mom to my son and yesterday I did laundry and folded 5 pairs of yoga pants and finally washed my favorite fleece pullover I have been wearing for days. My son refuses to eat any meat except for turkey hot dogs so that's what he gets every night for dinner. The most perfect shag rug we have in our family room sheds like a Labrador and I am pretty sure I could stuff a queen sized mattress with the pieces floating around my baseboards. My counter tops need some serious sparkle and I can't seem to get this gross black ring from the toilet bowl upstairs. But we are happy.

So you're telling me I can't watch a 5th episode of Bubble Guppies mom?


I wasn't always OK with letting the chaos of parenthood happen before my eyes but I am becoming more relaxed as a mother and more comfortable with the mess of life. There are days where my to do list and kitchen sink put me into a minor panic attack and I find myself listening to the little voice in my head telling me I am a failure of a mother because of it. Being a homemaker is a lot of work. A lot of dirty work to be exact, and the endless job duties can haunt and consume you. I feel like I get all the dishes cleaned and put away and bam, it is time for another meal. Parenthood is very seasonal and some seasons can feel like the movie Groundhog Day. Eat, sleep, diaper change, chores, repeat. It's hard not to feel the heavy weight of other mother's success as you are in the trenches of raising your children. Sometimes we aren't even comparing ourselves to other mothers! Sometimes we compare ourselves to what we used to be and what successes our pasts hold and that somehow our roles as mothers just don't measure up anymore. The most freeing thing I have embraced as a mom (especially as worn out and pregnant toddler mom) is to ask for help. A PSA to moms to be... there is no such thing as a supermom. Yeah that mom I described up top doesn't exist! And if she does, she is one in a million (or has a nanny, maid, chef, therapist, and a million dollars). Remove supermom from her pedestal and let's be super mom's to our littles. Now I am not suggesting that to be a great mom we should all go out and hire help, wrong-oh (although a maid would be nice!). I am suggesting to offload your duties to the friends, family, and community who surround you. You know they say it takes a village to raise a child and that couldn't be more truthful. Why is it so hard for us to cave in and accept the help? That dang supermom figure in our heads is telling us help is admitting defeat! That neighbor who tells you every time she sees you walking the stroller that she'd love to babysit, take her up on it. Your husband tells you he will cover bath and bedtime so YOU can have a bath, do it! I don't doubt that there are people in your life that love you and love your children enough to want to help save your sanity by pitching in. And if help isn't offered, ask for it. One thing I've learned in my marriage is that my husband cannot read my mind. I doubt I am alone in this one and as much as I wish he could, it ain't gonna happen ladies. Sometimes our husbands need direction. They don't know the day you've had or the stress you've endured. This isn't a free pass to bitch about your children or unload mommy drama but ask them to pick up an extra chore tonight or take the kids with him to the hardware store so you can sit and be alone. I find it funny that I get nervous to ask my husband to do too much when he is more than willing to pitch in wherever needed. It feels silly to ask for their permission to have alone time because I can assure you my husband does NOT ask me if he can go to the gym alone or have lunch with a friend. Voice your needs to your "people", I promise they will listen.

So ladies let's start the new year fresh by removing that manicured, tanned, and toned supermom from our minds and start living our own perfectly imperfect lives. You've got this!

11 comments:

EJ said...

Talk about perfect timing. I had a melt down last night from feeling like a failure. My 8 month old still won't sleep through the night, she cries when she's not on me, my biggest a accomplishment of the day was folding a load of laundry.... I always feel like I should be doing more or being better. I think you're right though. Those pictures in our heads - comparisons to people we only see for a fraction of a day ... We don't know the whole story.

Thanks so so so much for posting this.

Curly Girl Confessions said...

Amen, Ruthie!!!

Molly said...

I have found that my imperfections, flaws and mess are actually what make life fun and exciting! Perfection sounds really . . . boring!

Evelina F said...

I am totally guilty of hoping to be supermom. I don't have kids yet and I know that makes me naive. I hope to continue to be able to do it all when the time comes to be a mom. Thanks for this post as these reminders might save me from a couple extra crying-in-the-shower moments.

Jessica said...

This might be my favorite post you've ever written! I love this. Being a 34 weeks pregnant SAHM with a 22 month old is no easy task. And yet, I somehow always feel like I should be doing more. Like you, I feel like one task is never quite complete before another needs doing. I've had a clean load of laundry sitting and waiting to be folded for 3 days now. 3 days. It will get folded eventually:)

Katie said...

Seriously love this! The first paragraph in particular. I have had a hard time letting the chaos of parenthood not giving me panic attacks. Our house was always clean. I was always on top of our bills. I had everything in order. I felt AHEAD in most areas where now I feel behind. It's a major adjustment but one I'm working on! thanks for this read lady :) agree completely

Brooke said...

I have a load in the wash that I've had to wash THREE times because I keep forgetting about it before it starts to stink!

Megan C said...

Great post! I had such a hard time with trying to be super mom when I first became a stay at home mom last summer but I realized really quickly that I wasn't helping anyone trying to be that perfect ideal. Now I just role with the punches and if I have a lot of my plate I ask for help. I do need to be better about not feeling guilty for asking my husband to take my son somewhere so I can get a bath. I know he works hard through the day too. But I will ask more and not feel bad! Loved the post!!

Tomi Fanning said...

You're a great mommy, friend, sister, and everything in between! Thanks for being an inspiration!!

Tomi Fanning said...

You're a great mommy, friend, sister, and everything in between! Thanks for being an inspiration!!

Carolyn said...

OMG. This post. Exactly what I needed. I've been having the "ugh our house is messy, there's dirty laundry that needs to be washed, so many chores to do, a toddler to entertain, and I just want to sit in silence for 2 minutes!" feelings lately, and it's so comforting to know that all moms have those. :) We definitely need to stop holding each other to such high standards!

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