I don't know about you but I think I am a pretty good mom to my son and yesterday I did laundry and folded 5 pairs of yoga pants and finally washed my favorite fleece pullover I have been wearing for days. My son refuses to eat any meat except for turkey hot dogs so that's what he gets every night for dinner. The most perfect shag rug we have in our family room sheds like a Labrador and I am pretty sure I could stuff a queen sized mattress with the pieces floating around my baseboards. My counter tops need some serious sparkle and I can't seem to get this gross black ring from the toilet bowl upstairs. But we are happy.
So you're telling me I can't watch a 5th episode of Bubble Guppies mom?
I wasn't always OK with letting the chaos of parenthood happen before my eyes but I am becoming more relaxed as a mother and more comfortable with the mess of life. There are days where my to do list and kitchen sink put me into a minor panic attack and I find myself listening to the little voice in my head telling me I am a failure of a mother because of it. Being a homemaker is a lot of work. A lot of dirty work to be exact, and the endless job duties can haunt and consume you. I feel like I get all the dishes cleaned and put away and bam, it is time for another meal. Parenthood is very seasonal and some seasons can feel like the movie Groundhog Day. Eat, sleep, diaper change, chores, repeat. It's hard not to feel the heavy weight of other mother's success as you are in the trenches of raising your children. Sometimes we aren't even comparing ourselves to other mothers! Sometimes we compare ourselves to what we used to be and what successes our pasts hold and that somehow our roles as mothers just don't measure up anymore. The most freeing thing I have embraced as a mom (especially as worn out and pregnant toddler mom) is to ask for help. A PSA to moms to be... there is no such thing as a supermom. Yeah that mom I described up top doesn't exist! And if she does, she is one in a million (or has a nanny, maid, chef, therapist, and a million dollars). Remove supermom from her pedestal and let's be super mom's to our littles. Now I am not suggesting that to be a great mom we should all go out and hire help, wrong-oh (although a maid would be nice!). I am suggesting to offload your duties to the friends, family, and community who surround you. You know they say it takes a village to raise a child and that couldn't be more truthful. Why is it so hard for us to cave in and accept the help? That dang supermom figure in our heads is telling us help is admitting defeat! That neighbor who tells you every time she sees you walking the stroller that she'd love to babysit, take her up on it. Your husband tells you he will cover bath and bedtime so YOU can have a bath, do it! I don't doubt that there are people in your life that love you and love your children enough to want to help save your sanity by pitching in. And if help isn't offered, ask for it. One thing I've learned in my marriage is that my husband cannot read my mind. I doubt I am alone in this one and as much as I wish he could, it ain't gonna happen ladies. Sometimes our husbands need direction. They don't know the day you've had or the stress you've endured. This isn't a free pass to bitch about your children or unload mommy drama but ask them to pick up an extra chore tonight or take the kids with him to the hardware store so you can sit and be alone. I find it funny that I get nervous to ask my husband to do too much when he is more than willing to pitch in wherever needed. It feels silly to ask for their permission to have alone time because I can assure you my husband does NOT ask me if he can go to the gym alone or have lunch with a friend. Voice your needs to your "people", I promise they will listen.
So ladies let's start the new year fresh by removing that manicured, tanned, and toned supermom from our minds and start living our own perfectly imperfect lives. You've got this!