Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Do I do it enough?

A couple of weeks ago I took a screen shot of a tweet (thanks Megan) that really struck me. 


Jon and I were going through the pictures on each of our phones on our flight back to Austin this weekend and I ran across it and of course it got me thinking. Do I do this enough? Does Jon do it for me? Do our friends do it? 

And the answer is no, not enough (speaking on mine and Jon's behalf). My language of love is 100% words of affirmation and Jon does a good job of filling it up, but that is in private. And I also speak that love language which translates into me constantly telling Jon how much I love him, how handsome he is, etc, etc, etc. But I realized I rarely do it in front of other people. Yeah I write about Jon on my blog and I hope you can see what a great man, servant, and husband he is but I am talking about real life people! In person. There are times when I am with a group of girls, my sisters, or my family and our men come up. Of course I will chime in with "Jon stuff" when necessary but let's face it ladies, we often talk about the bad more so than the good. It sucks to think about how many times I've heard women or men disrespecting their spouses in front of people more often than the opposite.

This realization breaks my heart. Jon is a wonderful man and honestly it is hard to come up with words to describe that greatness. I feel lucky to even know him. He's honest, funny, passionate about so many things, a believer, he's gorgeous and in shape, he's giving, smart, and brave. I wish I could shout those things every single day. But then comes the fear of bragging. If you give your spouse/mate a compliment will others think you're gloating? Bragging? That your life is better than theirs?

You know what....I am going to get over it! Steve Cooper is right....when did anyone get in trouble for saying something nice in front of others? Especially about your husband or wife. It's almost more special if your husband does say something in front of others because he feels so strongly he needs to tell you right then and there. Am I right??



This smile does things to me. Inside and out. It is contagious and his laugh just makes me giggle along side him (usually after one of us has made up a song or remembered a funny inside joke). 


Jon is a man's man and I love that about him. He has always driven us around, always paid for us, etc. but he's also a great friend to his friends. He is one of the only guys I know who will call his friends to catch up and spend hours on the phone discussing faith, passions, fears...it's more than work and sports for him. It's funny when he complains that certain friends of his don't get deep with him. Not everyone is able to bare their souls but it amazes me how he values his friends.




The picture below is a typical Jon face. He is a thinker and a problem solver. Growing up, I didn't put intelligence on my "must have in a guy/husband" list and it wasn't until I met Jon did I realize how important it was. I've said it before that Jon is the head of our household, as God commanded, and I put full trust in him. We make almost all our decisions together but when an unsolvable (to me) problem arises, I know Jon will figure it out. He has a way of thinking I could only dream of. He's methodical, patient, and takes his time. I'd like to thank his engineering and math degrees but I know he's always been smart.



So take a second to think, do you compliment your spouse enough? Do you do it in front of other people? Is it genuine and heartfelt?


Photobucket

25 comments:

Lauren H. Edmondson said...

this is such a great post Ruthie, my love language is also words of affirmation (followed closely by acts of service haha) and while I tell hubs I love him or i'm proud of him all the time in private, I definitely don't compliment or brag on him enough in front of people. Thanks for the reminder to do so more often:)

Erin said...

This is an amazing post, Ruthie! My (future) sister-in-law and I have been discussing this a lot... as sadly, we see other MIL put down her husband a lot, publicly and often. It's like she does it for laughs, but it has truly always bugged me. I never want to be that wife that just dishes out stuff about her man because "everyone else is chiming in" or whatever.

I always try to remind Jared of how great he is, and I try to be specific... but your post is a GREAT reminder that it won't hurt to do it more often :)

Sarah said...

This is a fantastic post and such a great reminder! I just finished reading the 5 Love Languages and LOVED book and am continuously trying to incorporate it in our lives. This couldn't have come at a better time! My hubs is a problem solver too and as much as it can drive me nuts (thinking of every angle) it is usually very beneficial to the both of us and I know that is one way that he shows his love.

themosbysinchina said...

Aww, Ruthie. That's great. Wonderful post and good reminder. Words of affirmation is not my giving love language. This is something i need to work much harder at. Sweet what you said about Jon and his friends. Zachary is the same way. We feel so blessed to be in Qingdao because he has finally, after years of praying for it, found men who want to talk about the deeper stuff. Relationships with guys are always hard for him, because he likes to go deep, and most guys won't. He likes real, authentic friendships. Aw. Too bad we don't live in Austin. Maybe we could all be friends. :)
So blessed to have Godly, amazing men in our lives! So thankful.

Carolyn said...

Love this post! So sweet! :)

KRISTIN said...

I love this! I was just thinking last night...what can I do to be a better wife? Not that I think I'm doing bad, or that Jason thinks I'm doing bad but I want Jason to wake up every morning and think "I am so lucky." I think complimenting your spouse, especially in public to show that you're proud and appreciate them is so important, and it's definitely something I need to do more of.

Christa @ themeandminebook.blogspot.com said...

Really glad you posted this today! You are so right and I don't do it nearly enough.

I really related to the part where he takes over and handles things when you can't. My husband does that and I don't think I appreciate him enough for it.

Thanks for the reminder(kick in the arse) ;)

Claire-Christine said...

I LOVE THIS!!! You hit the issue right on the head...we need to compliment our spouse/fiance/significant other as much as possible. Great post, and GREAT pictures of Mr. Hart! Happy you two are happy!

It's Sooo Fluffy! said...

Such a nice post. You're a lucky lady :)

Hollie Ann said...

Ah! I totally agree with you! I am constantly telling Jeff how wonderful he is but I rarely do that in front of others. I don't want to be seen as bragging or do too much PDA so I do nothing. That's not okay!

Amanda said...

I'm a words of affirmation girl too, but I definitely don't say good things about M enough to other people. But I think part of my challenge with that is because I almost feel like I'm bragging about him, if that makes sense? Idk. But we definitely do make each other feel loved and appreciated every day, and that's important in my book :)

Meghan said...

What a great post :)

Daisy said...

I agree! Thanks for the reminder Ruthie :)

Mallorie Owens said...

I love this because it's SO true! It really does mean more when they say it in front of other people...makes you beam from the inside out. Dave is the best at lifting me up in public and I had never had anyone do that before him, never knew I NEEDED that.

It still amazes me how alike our husbands are! How lucky are we to have such smart and sweet men?! I love listening to Dave talk on the phone with his friends. He's the one out of all his friends that makes sure to they all keep in touch. And after they've talked for hours about anything and everything he always says "I love you brother" at the end of the phone call...kills me. So sweet!

Krista said...

This is something that I've often thought about as well. Sometimes I'll notice that I've gotten sucked into that negative "my guy does this" conversation and I need to remind myself to get out. There's so much more that I love about my husband than what little things bother me. I certainly want to share the wonderful things and not the little day to day annoyances. Others need to know how truly wonderful I think he is and how much I truly love him :)

Brooke Houston said...

I need to do this waaaaay more often. Scott actually does this a lot and I find myself getting embarrassed over it. To me it sounds like bragging, when in reality it just the truth! But sometimes it's even hard for me to take compliments. But I need to try to do it more for Scott. I don't boast about him as often as I should to other people. He has very similar qualities Jon has, like speaking with friends forever, and making lots and lots of time for them. Ever since I met him he was like that. Thanks for that quote, I'm going to remember it!

Callie said...

Ruthie this post really got to my core. With my upcoming move to Austin, I'm excited but also extremely anxious and find myself relying more and more on my guy. I know we're going to get frustrated and annoy the heck out of each other during the moving process, but I really hope I remember this (especially in the midst of the moving struggles).

Thanks girl :)

Mel said...

Thank you for your honesty. Plain and simple. It's refreshing to read your honest admission that sometimes you get caught up in the male-bashing conversations that all women, no matter where we live, seem to partake in. I think that it is evident to all of us who read your blog regularly that you love your man Jon something fierce!
This is a really great reminder though, and moving forward today, I strive to do better!

Jessi Bridges said...

What a blessing to have a husband like your's!! Ben is the same way about decision making. There are often times when I don't feel confident enough to decide but I'm always confident in his decisions for our family. And I'm so thankful for that.

Words of affirmation is definitely not my love language, but it is one of Ben's. It's something that I'm always working on, definitely in private, but not as much around others. This was a good reminder that I need to extend it to outside of our home :)

Wendy said...

I just saw this quote the other day on Facebook ~ What a great reminder! Brad and I will have been married for 13 years on the 30th ~ while I try to compliment him and Thank him for all he does for our family, it's so easy to get comfortable and just go day to day without telling him in so many words. And how amazing does it feel to be complimented. What a great post Ruthie and a fabulous reminder to tell our spouses to them and around others!

Kristin said...

this is a great reminder!

Rachel said...

Just catching up on some of your posts and reading this one today. What an amazing thought to come across. Though not my husband....YET :) I can look back at times where I would jokingly bring up the "bad" in Josh. Why would I do that?! There is so much more good! Totally agree that it may sound like gloating, and that could put up a barrier, but I love your attitude of who cares! Such a great thought to write about Ruthie :) It's really good to think about as I prepare to be a wife soon! Thank you!

smk053078 said...

Ruthie, this is sooooo true! I know I am guilty of not doing it enough in public either. You seriously inspire me to be a better wife...a more loving wife. The relationship and marriage you and Jon have doesn't come around very often. But, I know that what you both have is from faith, love and hard work...and most importantly never taking each other for granted. Loved this post!!!

investinyourselfblog.com said...

This is such a great reminder! I could not be more blessed when it comes to my husband! Looks like I am not alone. :)

Kimberly Erskine said...

Such a humbling post! I check up on all of my favorite blogs usually on the weekends via Google reader and I was so glad to come across this one (btw, Happy birthday!). My husband and I got into a large argument today backed up by small, trivial complaints from both sides. Reading this post made me question how I often I praise my husband and what else I could be doing in sharing his love language.

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