*I wrote this post yesterday after 3 days of struggling through crib training. Last night Ford blessed us with almost 11 hours of sleep straight but I still wanted to share...
This post is not meant to complain but just be real. The last few days, being a parent has been hard. I always wondered what people meant when they said it was hard but man I can attest now. I'm learning so much about my sweet little son these days and unfortunately he isn't a fan of his crib. We had planned on transitioning from the bassinet to his crib upstairs a couple of weeks ago but poor guy has been battling a cold for a month. Yes a month. We postponed the transition and put him back in the Rock and Play or carseat because he was so congested. Well this week started crib training and it has been hard. Hard physically and hard emotionally. The two go hand in hand. The first night in his crib was rough but manageable. The second night took almost 2 hours to get him down and I was on my knees asking the Lord if the transition was indeed what we were supposed to do. I asked for a sign and pleaded for sleep and the prayer was answered when Ford slept all night. I was on top of the world! The 3rd night...worse than any night I've had since he was born and I was alone. Ford doesn't seem to understand the cry it out method and he was hoarse from crying. I spent the night rocking, shushing, nursing, praying, crying, and even sleeping on the floor of his room.
It breaks my heart knowing he is scared. He hasn't been swaddled for about 6 weeks and he'll wake up in his crib arms flailing, red in the face, and choking on his tears. I know my son and I know his tired cries. These are scared cries and I hate hearing them. You know, God really knows how far one can be pushed before breaking point and even though its hard, I am not going to give up. I know the rough nights will be worth it. Worth it for Jon and I to have independence in our room and worth it for Ford to be able to enjoy his own room and sleep comfortably in his crib (he is way too big for the bassinet or Rock and Play). What I thought was an answered prayer to continue trying the crib has made me question if this is what we should be doing right now.
As a believer I constantly analyze situations and look for what God may be trying to teach me through it. Grace. Forgiveness. Thankfulness. Not that Ford has done anything for me to need to grant him forgiveness but these past few days have just rocked me by realizing how hard we are on our Father and He continues to love and bless us. I was changing a diaper at 4am last night and Ford stared into my eyes and gave me the biggest smile and giggle and tears bubbled. When I've slept a total of 5 hours in 3-4 chunks, being woken up to a smiley, happy baby just reminds me how lucky I am. Ford is a doll during the day, Jon and I are having an absolute ball being his parents. He full on giggles, notices us from far away, reaches and plays with toys...we couldn't ask for a more fun and interactive boy. The nights roll around and I feel like I can't do it right. I've always thought sleep came naturally to babies and they were supposed to automatically be accustom to their crib. I never thought I'd be up at 3am with a baby screaming at the top of his lungs, me sobbing, Ernie frantically following me around. Ford has always been a good sleeper. This wasn't supposed to happen.
You know, through the screams, tears, and late nights in the rocking chair, my prayer is for strength. Physical and emotional. I would much rather be up all night with a fussy baby than without baby at all. I've been abundantly blessed and will never take this special gift for granted. My dad once told me that everything is a phase and this too shall pass.