Friday, April 1, 2011

15 Things To Do Before You Have Kids

I became a member of TheKnot.com when Jon and I got engaged and now I am automatically a member of TheNest.com since we got married. If you aren't familiar with The Knot, it is a website full of wedding planning ideas, tools, pictures, lists, etc...it is pretty awesome! You can even make a personalized wedding website (we actually used MyWedding.com for our website). Once we got married, I became a member of The Nest, a website that is full of information on buying a house, traveling, money, decorating, recipes, pets, etc. I get a weekly newsletter from them and this week's contained an interesting article. I started reading the list of things I should do before I have kids and couldn't help but to laugh and disagree with a few. Below is the list, along with my comments (in red, red for Ruthie) :-). Disclaimer...I DID NOT WRITE THIS LIST!


1. Go on a wine-tasting tour at a vineyard. There's nothing fun for a kid about sitting still and being quiet while you sip something they can't. And those little wine crackers only entertain them for so long (believe me, I’ve tried).

Ehhh….Jon and I don’t drink wine (with the exception of my new love for Moscato) so I imagine this being an epic fail for the two of us. My mom is always offering us different kinds of wine…one sip and I am gagging. What about a Firefly Sweet Tea tasting tour?


2. Go skydiving/bungee jumping/swimming with sharks...or whatever other crazy, life-risking thing you’ve got on your bucket list. These activities are frowned upon when you’ve got little ones at home who kind of depend on your not being injured. Or dead. So file under before baby.


Absolutely not! Jon and I would probably crap our pants doing this, we are not thrill seekers at all. Last June, we lost a dear friend John Seward in a hang gliding accident so we made a promise to each other no risky activities. (we miss you Sewie!)


3. Make a list of all the restaurants and bars you've been meaning to check out -- and go. Sure, you'll get out to eat when you have kids. But when there’s a sitter on the clock, you're more likely to pick a place you know will get you in and out, and not, say, that new pop-up restaurant 45 minutes away where they cook everything with a single match.


I agree with this one! Since moving to a new neighborhood, we’ve been trying to hit up lots of new restaurants and bars knowing that our future will consist of Friday nights at Chuckie Cheese with kiddos. We have been dying to try Ginny's Little Longhorn Saloon about 2 minutes from our house. It is always packed and supposedly they have "Chicken Shit Bingo"!



4. Appreciate the bathroom -- alone. This one bears repeating. Seriously. Revel in the aloneness.


Okay this one is just weird! I am not going to sit on the pot thinking how lucky I am to be alone because A. that is just odd and B. I am usually not alone in the bathroom whether I am peeing, showering or getting ready…Mr. Ernie is my little shadow (Jon couldn't even shower without Ernie missing him)


 

5. Stop being so self-righteous. When you see a mom or dad struggling with a tantrum-throwing kid in the airport or at the drugstore, don’t roll your eyes and think, My kid would never do that. Because he will. I guarantee.


I don't have kids yet so I have no idea what it is like to have a screaming toddler in the grocery store but come on, who isn't annoyed? This reminds me of a shopping trip with my little sister Tomi when we were in Liberty, MO for Thanksgiving last year. She was in the dressing room at TJ Maxx and a little boy kept coming under her stall and after the first time she finally yelled "MAAM please control your child!!". My two sisters are quite confrontational which makes for some hilarious stories (I can't tell you how many fights they've gotten into at one of my brother's sports events with the opposing teams parents!).


6. Take a road trip. Anywhere. Together or solo, it doesn’t matter -- just relish in the complete silence or blast whatever kid-unfriendly music you like. Stop only when you want to or you need to, and enjoy the freedom. The car will never be the same postbaby.

I like this one (but maybe a plane trip rather than a road trip)

7. Be spontaneous. If someone says, “Let’s do ____.” Do ____. Because you can.

Check!


8. Spend an entire day in bed together watching movies. You will likely never do this once you have kids unless A) you have the flu, in which case, not so enjoyable, or B) your kid has the flu, in which case said movies will likely feature talking rodents. Again, not so enjoyable.


Who doesn’t do this? Netflix, snacks and a comfortable couch, Jon and I already have this one down. We savor the weekends since we both work full time so we usually try to do our chores during the week so we can veg on Saturday and Sunday.


9. Have boozy lunches with friends. You’ll probably try this once you have kids, and it will seem great...until you get home and realize you still have to parent and bedtime isn’t for another five hours. D’oh!


Hmmmm


10. Feed your minimalist side. Get a white chair/couch/rug/anything else you wouldn’t want stained. Leave your wineglass or coffee cup on it and watch it not get knocked over. Enjoy it while you can, because once there’s a little one tottering around, you can kiss it good-bye!


If you’ve ever had dinner at our house, I apologize for serving dinner on our plastic skull plates, we finally got new, grown up plates for our wedding! We already have our kid china ready to go! This one is funny because we recently bought a new couch and my mom said that it is great because when we have kids, we can just throw it in the game room as a junk couch….my  new couch…I love it though….and so does Ernie!



11. Have morning sex. And doors-open sex. And not-in-the-bedroom sex. And loud sex. Sure, you’ll still have sex post-kids. But most of these particular sex flavors will go off the menu when the little ones arrive, so partake while you can.

 

No comment…I am a newlywed though :-)

 

12. Be the last ones to leave the party. No matter what you say now, as a couple with kids, you’ll be calling it a night long before your baby-free friends. (Trust me, you won’t have it in you, and even if you do, people will talk.) That means missing out on those crazy-fun hours when all the really fun nonsense happens, also known as the stuff you reminisce about once you have kids.

 

Duh. You are going to have to ask the Harts to leave….or we will just sleepover (thanks for always letting us crash Newberrys!)


13. Fly first class. Everyone deserves to board the plane first (without a stroller, car seat and screaming kid), eat warm nuts and drink free beverages at least once in their life. And even if you can afford it, it’s just wrong to fly first class with a tot (people don’t spend all the extra cash to listen to crying babies the whole time). Promise you won’t be those parents!

I am the first person to tell you the awesome bargains I score on clothes, shoes, home stuff, etc. I LOVE bargains (but don’t worry, you will never see me on that Extreme Couponing show on TLC). So with my love of saving money and getting a deal, why the heck would I fly first class, no thanks. This deal will make you scream…Jon and I spent a mere $500 on direct flights to Vegas along with 4 nights at the Mirage…yep you read that right...I’ll stick with coach.

 

14. Wear as much silk, cashmere, dry-clean-only clothing as you possibly can, while you still can. Kids can get their gunk on you without even making contact. It’s one of their many superpowers.

 

Wait, does Forever 21 carry silk? I do not own a pair of designer jeans or shoes and I couldn’t tell you the fabric of any of my clothing (75% of it comes from XXI) so I will also pass on this one. Psst...the dress I am wearing below at our rehearsal dinner was $15 at Forever 21!


 

15. Take a career risk. Go for the promotion, the career change or any other work-related risk that will feel too risky once there are dependents involved. You have the rest of your life to worry about income, stability and paying for diapers and college. Take advantage of this time to pursue your passions or figure out whatever the hell it is you want to do.

 

I recently started a new job two weeks after we got married so this could be my lucky charm! 


1 comment:

Kristin said...

haha loved reading this too!!

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