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Monday, September 26, 2011

Church ladies with typewriters

Morning everyone.  How was your weekend?? It is hot as heck here again (105 but the good news is that this is a short week for us! Jon and I are flying to Cleveland on Thursday for a wedding this weekend. Yay! I have some awesome guest posters for when we are gone so stay tuned!

This was an email chain I got from my big sis, Cori, and I found it absolutely hysterical!!
SNL anyone?

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS & TYPOS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.  

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Cynthia Hendricks

Do you have any funny email chains?? Share with me please!! I work for a small company thus no funny emails circulate :-( 


Amanda said...

Too funny, Ruthie! Prayer and medication to follow. Some of these are classics that just seem too good to be true! Hope you had a great weekend, and have fun at the weekend this weekend!

P.S. Yes I took that picture :)

amy said...

OMGoodness!! This had me cracking up!! Hilarious :)

Anonymous said...

oh wow this is too funny! i was cracking up. thanks for sharing :)

Liz Taylor said...

This is too funny, I just forwarded to some friends

Alyssa said...

bahah love this.. so funny!

Karen said...

I am laughing so loud right now! Those are great!!

... said...

This was a gas! :) Thanks! :) I know how the heat is still in the 100s here in Arizona as well!

Stephanie said...

These are too funny! Thanks for the giggle :)

Heather @ Finding Beauty in the Ordinary said...

hahahahhah! oh ruthie, you crack me up, girl!

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